I was thinking earlier this week how long this challenge will continue. I thought about ending at one year. It seemed like a nice, round length. But instead of picking a specific time period, I think I’ll get a feeling. Amanda told me she’d have a third child if it felt right. I’d never thought about that before. I’ve always just thought about a nice, round number of kids. This is similar. I think I’ll know when the challenge has been accomplished. I’ll feel it.
I think this is a part of my life I’ll look back on and brag about. People won’t always get it, and that’s OK. It’s not for them to get. It was for me to get out of my rut. And it worked. I haven’t been in a rut for awhile. I still don’t know my calling in life, but I can’t expect that to fall into my lap in one year. If I hadn’t figured it out in the previous 24 years, who’s to say it won’t take a few more to see the light.
Do you ever think about dying? I do. I wonder if I died tomorrow, would I have made it worth it? Would I have lived life to the fullest? Would I have made the gift of life count? I’d like to think I could answer yes to all three, but I’m not sure. I’ve done a lot of things for myself over the past year. I’m very glad I did. But maybe now it’s time to re-focus my efforts. If I died tomorrow, what regrets would I have? I’d regret not telling my family enough how much they mean to me, not calling my brother more, not leaving this world a better place. That’s part of my facebook profile is that I want to make the world better in some small way. This is where not knowing my calling in life comes into play. Will it hit me like a brick one day? Will I have to fight for it? What can I, or should I, be doing to make my life meaningful? I like being a journalist because I feel like I can help make a difference. I have several passions that could be my calling. I guess I won’t know until I make the conscious effort to try. Maybe once I start trying, God will give me a nudge.
So how would I describe my year? Discovery. Reflection. Immediate. Alive. Present. New. Challenging. Busy.